**********************
Disclaimer: Not
mine. No money. Don't sue.
They're still Pet Fly's, but thankfully they no longer have anything to
do with up of n. I'm just borrowing
them for a brief time. The story
however, is all mine.
Archive: yes
please. GL and CT. Ronnee’ll send an
official announcement when she gets it posted.
Thanks to:
Becky–for reminding
me Carolyn is a good guy and should get to come out and play more often. Not to
mention the fact that there are unresolved issues there that are kind of fun to
explore. No she doesn’t make an actual
appearance, but there is some definite communicating going on here.
Ronnee–for offering
to loan and then graciously letting me borrow AJ for a moment. Or at least the idea of her; she doesn’t
make an actual appearance. And for
helping me figure out how to get Blair out of the house.
All the writers and
readers who believe that OFC, heck OC, are a good thing.
Claire, Wnne,
Ronnee, Angie, TAE, Cindy, Rona, and countless others–for being supportive and
telling me to ‘go for it’ when I asked if this was a good idea. And then encouraging me to finish when I had
second thoughts.
A big thanks to my
betas Claire, Ronnee, and Wnnepooh.
Thanks ladies, your input made this a better story. Any mistakes that remain are mine and mine
alone. What can I say, I can be rather
stubborn about some things.... Okay,
just about everything.... <g
Warnings:
Slight references to
Cypher (sort of. Is there anyone
who doesn’t know about the Blessed Protector thing by now?), The Debt, Sentinel
Too, parts 1 and 2, a previous story of mine that hasn’t been finished yet
entitled Out of Darkness into Light (I’ll get there eventually, but it
keeps getting pushed to the back burner so be patient with me. Encouragement helps though... <grin>).
There are slight references to Blair being a cop, but nothing overt.
This is one of three
stories. All told in first person from
different points of view. While each
stands on its own, they do build upon one and other. Together they form a triptych of sorts, but in an act of defiance
(me defiant? No way!) I wanted them all
to be separate. Individual snapshots
that stand on their own, but mean more when displayed together. This said, I recommend you read all three of
them.
And the biggest
warning/ disclaimer of all.... There’s
an OFC here. You are forewarned. She only makes a peripheral appearance in
this piece, but one of the points of view is hers.
Feedback, both
positive and constructive, welcome.
Flames will be shared with numerous people for our edification and
enjoyment before being used to light a large bonfire on the Asylum lawn.
**************
If Only, Longing: Blair
by
Toni Rae
The soft sound of
cloth moving against leather pierces my consciousness, breaking my
concentration on the small screen in front of me. Looking up from the suddenly meaningless words on the screen of
my laptop I visually search the loft to find the reason for my abrupt loss of
focus.
My eyes come to rest
on the back of the couch as I hear the noise again. This time I identify the sound.
Jim moving slightly as he tries to find a comfortable position on the
couch. This in itself is not
unusual. The noise that follows his
movements the second time, however, is – or at least it used to be. Now it’s becoming routine. I sit in the kitchen working while Jim sits
on the couch and watches TV, napping more often than not, as the evening comes
to a close.
These things have
not changed. I still sit in the kitchen
and work. Jim still watches TV. What’s different is the soft sounds coming from
the woman in his arms as he shifts positions.
Slight mews of contentment, love, and sometimes fear. Strange that fear would find a place among
the other more romantic emotions. Yet I
see it in her face when she’s not aware I’m watching, she’s not quite ready to
trust. But she’s learning.
Actually, the woman
herself is unusual. Not to mention her
continued presence in the loft and in our lives. I say ‘our’ because few people can tell where Jim ends and I
begin. They used to be able to, when we
first became friends. Then slowly I
worked my way into his life. People
began to wonder when I wasn’t at his side.
But this thing
between them. There’s no place for
me. Oh sure we’re all friends, but for
them it’s something more.
I accept her
presence in his life. I accept that
there are still things in our lives we won’t share. It used to be the University, now it’s something else.
Nothing changed
between us. The bond we share remains
strong. We are still brothers in
everything but name.
Left out. The words arrive unbidden. The internal verbalization of my undefined
emotions.
I know she loves
him. It’s evident on her face,
too. As are the mirroring emotions on
Jim’s. He’s afraid too. But he loves
her and despite all the hurt and pain in his past is willing to gamble with his
heart another time.
I wish that I had
half the courage of that man.
I hear the
comforting murmurs Jim uses to soothe her back to sleep.
A sudden ache
pierces my heart. The love between
these two people fills the loft, making me wish for something, an indefinable
essence, just out of my reach.
It’s just not fair.
They aren’t even
sleeping together, at least not in the biblical sense. Though the way the two of them interact with
each other you’d think otherwise – the longing glances, heated gazes, and not
so subtle excuses to touch each other constantly. Yep, the average bear would definitely look at me strangely if I
said they were only casually dating.
In some ways this
might all be easier to take if it were a purely sexual relationship. But just my luck, my best friend has finally
found the woman of his dreams. The
other half of his heart.
It’s just not fair.
I have always wanted
to be loved like that — with an all-consuming fire. Maya came close, but watching the two of them together I realize
what I felt for her was kid’s stuff.
With time it might have grown into something more, but looking back I
don’t think she and I were meant to be.
But then, had things worked out differently I might not feel this
way.
‘No use dwelling on
it, sweetie.’ I hear Naomi’s voice in
my head. ‘These things happen for a
reason.’
‘There might be a
reason, but it didn’t make things any easier at the time.’ I respond to the mother voice in my
head.
And it isn’t making
things any easier now.
I’m happy for
Jim. Don’t get me wrong. With everything he’s been through he
deserves a little happiness for a change.
And her? Oh, man. I have never met anyone so deserving of my
partner’s love.
And that’s after I
ran her through the database. What can
I say, with our track record it was sort of a necessity. Not that I had many doubts mind you. No one can survive the things she has
without revealing their true nature.
The events of the last few years might have killed a lesser person. They almost did – or rather her idiot
ex-boyfriend almost did.
I sigh as I send a
silent prayer Heavenwards – thanking whatever deity looks after headstrong
female scientists willing to get involved with headstrong Sentinels and
Guides. Not to mention the one that
looks after those same headstrong Sentinels and Guides. Hey, I’m an equal opportunity pray-er. Lord knows we need all the help we can
get.
Though I have to
admit this time it wasn’t our fault.
She almost died the first time, before we ever met her. I shudder as the words from the Police
report come unbidden to mind. “Beaten
unconscious. Raped repeatedly. Left for dead in the science lab. Found Monday morning by a student.”
And that was only
the first time. Thankfully we managed
to avoid a repeat performance last fall when he followed her to Cascade to
finish the job.
Yeah. She deserves someone like Jim. Blessed Protectors are nice to have around.
Suddenly I hear him
move again. I see his head rise above
the couch and finally the rest of his body as he gracefully stands. Sometimes that man is his spirit guide
embodied. Though he is facing me, all
his attention is focused on the woman in front of him.
As I watch, he leans
over to kiss her. I can’t see him as he
gently places his lips against hers because the couch is in the way, but his
movements have become familiar. The
small kiss of reassurance taken care of, he makes sure the quilts are wrapped tightly
around her body so she doesn’t catch a chill without the warmth of his body
next to her.
Am I jealous? Yes.
No let me rephrase that Hell yes.
Because I want to trade places with one of them? Again, Hell no. Because they have found each other amidst the great debris that
clutters the sea of life? Oh yeah.
“Hey. You okay?”
I hear his voice
behind me, a slight whisper of sound so not to disturb the sleeping woman on
the couch. I feel his hand come to rest
on my shoulder, though I didn’t even notice him moving towards the kitchen.
Turning slightly, I
face him. One look at the slightly
raised eyebrow of the man behind me and I am lost. My ready response dies on my lips. I cannot lie to him. He
who knows me almost better than I know myself.
“I envy you
man.” I indicate the sleeping woman on
the couch with a flick of my wrist, my own voice barely above a whisper, but
loud enough for Sentinel ears.
The comforting
warmth on my shoulder leaves then and I am suddenly bereft. Then Jim moves to sit next to me, his hand
coming to rest on my forearm — my wrists now resting lightly on the keyboard.
He makes no sounds,
waiting for me to complete — verbalize — my thoughts. I almost prefer his silence to half-hearted words of
reassurance. That’s not strictly fair. His words would be filled with meaning —
heck the man can even offer noodles with care and concern. It is I who would accept them with less
spirit than they were intended. All
that aside, there is really no good response to ‘I envy you.’
I look back over to
the amazing woman on the couch – even though I can’t see her. She’s good for Jim. She gives him a different balance, completes
him in ways I never could. Not that I
want to, mind you. He and I fit
together in so many ways — Sentinel/ Shaman, Watchman/ Guide, friend, brother,
family.
But like him, I too
need something else, someone else. That
one small piece to finish the puzzle that is my soul.
“She finished the
puzzle.” I finally continue, needing to
vocalize my thoughts for some absurd reason.
Or maybe it is my thoughts that are absurd. I begin to wonder as I turn back towards Jim and notice the look
of puzzlement on his face.
“She’s the last
piece of your soul.”
He smiles at that, a
speculative gleam in his eyes. I wonder
if he has figured this out already or if this is a new revelation.
“Yeah.” A look of utter contentment manifests itself
on his face. “But if it wasn’t for you
I wouldn’t have a soul to complete.”
He looks surprised
at the easy and hushed admission.
“You saved my
sanity, and my life, more than once.
You breezed into my life and opened the box where I kept my heart and
soul. Then you started putting the
pieces together like you knew what the picture was supposed to look like.”
He continues with
the puzzle analogy to my slight amusement.
Who knew the great Detective Ellison even knew what a jigsaw puzzle
looked like. Even though he put the
pieces of my soul together and is the glue that holds it together.
“I could say the
same thing to you. Before all this I
never even knew what I was missing. You
gave me a home, made me part of your family.
Thank you.”
“You’re
welcome. But you’re my family and
together we made this a home. Before
you moved in, this was merely the place I ate and slept.”
We are both silent,
contemplating the turn our lives have taken.
Knowing that our paths were meant to cross and we were meant to be here
at this time.
“I just want what
you have.” I finally break the not
uncomfortable silence, returning to the original question.
“Chief...”
I hold up my hand to
halt the words I can see forming in his eyes.
“I know. It’s just seeing the two of you like that,
it kind of hit me all of a sudden.
Holiday blues I guess.”
“Sandburg, it’s
May.”
“So? I never do things at the logical time. You should know that by now.”
The penetrating gaze
of the man beside me announced more clearly than words that he didn’t buy the
obfuscation.
We had been dancing
around the subject for weeks. This time
he intended to find out what was wrong.
I could see the certainty of my deduction in his eyes. His next words further confirmed it.
“You’ve been moping
around here for weeks. It’s not like
you. Whatever’s going on, we’ll work
through it, but you have to talk to me.”
Strange that after
four years Jim should assume the role of new age sensitive while I revert to
the childish habit of repressing feelings.
Four years ago I never would have expected to hear those words coming
out of Jim’s mouth. He had refined
repression into an art form, of which he was the master. People keep telling us that we rub off on
one another. Guess this is just another
example of that. Jim wants to talk
about things; while I just want to suppress them.
Maybe Kathleen has
something to do with this newfound desire to talk, too? If he practices on me, he will do better
with her. That way she won’t leave like
Carolyn did. That’s not fair.
Potentially honest, but not fair. There
were things at work between he and Carolyn that no one will ever be able to
discern, no matter how many probing questions they ask. I know, I asked. And on the subject of the
breakup, both are still mum. He should
call her. Make sure there aren’t any
unresolved issues hanging over their heads.
That way he can start fresh with Kathleen. Wonder how well he’d take that suggestion? Not.
Though my thoughts
wandered, I know instinctively the penetrating ice-blue gaze never left my
face. He allowed me time to process,
but obviously we’re finishing this conversation tonight. Too bad, I was getting really good at
avoiding it.
“You’ve got it all,
man. A great woman who loves you, the
perfect job, friends – and here I am trying to figure out what my life’s all
about.” A note of self deprecation creeps
into my tone.
“I also have the
little brother I’ve always wanted – not to mention the one I’ve always had – a
Guide, and let’s not forget I have an ‘in’ with the Shaman to the Great
City. As for you...” He trails off, attempting to compose his
thoughts.
“You are exactly
where you belong. I know that it
doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but I couldn’t survive this roller coaster ride
without you. You are the best partner
I’ve ever had. And that was before you
became an actual cop. Your love of
learning and life did not end with that press conference.”
I can see the care
and concern on his face, then a sudden realization. Curious I wait for his next words.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your
fault.” The response is almost
automatic. He apologizes for some wrong
he feels he’s committed and I reassure him it’s okay. But there’s something different in his tone this time. Suddenly I flashback to the events of a year
ago. ‘Oh man.’ We’re no longer talking about the ephemeral
wrong he feels he committed. His words
in the hospital after the press conference slam into me. ‘You are the best partner I’ve ever had.’ I wonder if he even realizes the echoing of
his words?
“I know.”
His next words take
me by surprise and I close my mouth on the standard words of our repartee.
That’s new. My eyes search his, looking
for the new meaning in the conversation.
I watch as a portion of the burden on his soul lightens. Good.
Maybe he’s finally realized he needs to forgive himself. After all, he’s had my forgiveness for the
past year. His smile assures me that he
finally gets it – in the end, you only need to forgive yourself.
As Jim forgives
himself, pieces of my life come into focus, part of my world rights
itself. I never realized how connected
our souls are. I knew that we were
connected through more than friendship.
Through more than brotherhood.
Apparently the joining of our Spirit Guides did more than just revive
me. Wonder why it took so long for me
to see it?
“Thanks. That helped.” I smile at Jim’s stunned expression. Even though my words have come out of nowhere, the expression on
his face is still priceless.
“What helped?” The confusion reflected on his face
transfers itself to words.
“You – forgiving
yourself.”
“You lost me there,
Chief. And how do you know that I
forgave myself?”
“I felt it. It seems the joining of our Spirit Guides
did more than revive me.” I voice my
earlier thoughts, wondering at the ease with which the words fall from my
lips. Apparently Jim is not the only
one doing a little forgiving this evening.
I smile as the burden of Alex lifts from my soul. Funny, that’s the first time I’ve been able
to say her name. Jim must not be the
only one that needed some forgiveness.
“It took you this
long to figure that out, Darwin?”
Now it is my turn to
be stunned. “Huh?”
“I actually noticed
it when we were in Sierra Verde.”
“And it took you
this long to admit it?!” Outrage at an
uncommunicative Sentinel manifests itself in my words.
“You weren’t ready
to deal with it.”
“What!” I barely squeak out. This from a man who refused to talk about
his dreams with me. What does he mean I wasn’t ready to deal with it? I thought I was the one trying to get him to
talk to me.
“Blair, you were
caught up in trying to find Alex. Then
you were trying to figure out what was going on with me. Neither situation was very conducive to
telling you that your soul had become part of mine. Then after we came back to Cascade it sort of went away. I chalked it up to us being in close
proximity to the Temple of the Sentinels and didn’t think much more about
it.” He pauses to take a deep breath.
“Then there was the
whole press conference thing. Part of
the reason I took that so badly was because of the pain you caused
yourself. It just didn’t seem like the
time to mention it. Eventually I just
decided it was something you needed to discover on your own. I could tell you that ‘you did the right
thing’ and that you were ‘in the right place’ until I was blue in the
face. But if you didn’t believe it
yourself, it wasn’t going to do any good.”
The strength and
sincerity of his words halt any reply I might make. The outrage at being left out of a significant part of my
Sentinel’s life dissipates as I recognize the truth in his words. He didn’t deliberately leave me out. I made the decision myself.
“I”m really doing
what I’m supposed to be doing – aren’t I?”
The wonder of the realization extends throughout my being.
“Yeah, you are.”
Now, all that
remains is the gaping hole waiting to be filled within my soul.
“I’m ready to settle
down.” I blurt out before I lose my
nerve. “You know, a wife, two point
five kids, a dog.” I can tell he
noticed the omission by the raised eyebrow.
“What? No house in the suburbs?”
Yep. Right again.
“Nah. The suburbs are boring. I’d much rather live in the city. I know this nice little loft on Prospect.”
“Don’t you think
things are going to get a little crowded around here with the addition of your
newfound family, Chief?”
“Well, yeah, there
is that issue.” I smile to reassure him
of the levity of my words. I would
never dream of leaving him. We’re too
connected for that.
“So what’s the
problem here? IS there a problem?”
His sudden change of
subject, the 180-degree turn back to our serious conversation startles me. I answer his question honestly, without
thinking about it.
“Watching you and
Kathleen together. Makes me long for
that other person I need to fill my heart.”
I finally admit what’s been bothering me for the last several
weeks. Watching them merge their lives
together made me feel like the perpetual third wheel. I didn’t have any doubt there would still be a place for me in
Jim’s life. I just hadn’t figured out
where. “I really want what you’ve got.”
“It doesn’t happen
overnight.”
“I know that. It just feels like it’s time.”
“Sandburg, you sound
like a woman with a biological clock.”
“Men have biological
clocks too. There have been studies –
.”
“Not now
professor.” Jim interrupts my flow of
words. “I understand. Why do you think I married Carolyn?”
Well now – that’s a
new theory.
“Um.” Ah, the great Sandburg wit and wisdom comes
into play yet again. I’ve been at a
loss for words more times tonight than the past four years combined.
“You married Carolyn
because you wanted a wife, two point five kids, a dog, and a house in the
suburbs?” I finally manage to grind
out. I was definitely having trouble
with this concept.
“Not exactly. I married Carolyn because it was time for me
to settle down and start working on the future of the Ellison dynasty. The house in the suburbs was never part of
the plan.”
“Um. Didn’t you think her career might get in the
way of those two point five kids?”
“I had to start
somewhere Sandburg. A wife seemed the
logical place. And the kid part... Well, we never quite got that far.” I recognize the note of sadness that enters
his voice, longing for things that might have been. Suddenly it all made sense.
Jim was searching for the same things that I was, he was just lucky
enough to find them. Or rather
her.
I wonder if the
desire to settle down is a genetic portion of being a Sentinel? Or even a Guide? Maybe part of what he’s
feeling, and I’m feeling, stems from the desire to protect the tribe and the
genetic bloodlines. Oh man.
“Um, Jim.... Kathleen’s got a career too.”
“I know.” The sadness in his voice deepens, and the
connected piece of our souls reverberates with the emotion. I can tell by the tone of his voice that
he’s come to the same realization I just did.
He was genetically driven to protect the tribe. Part of that protection included providing a
new Sentinel to take up where he leaves off.
Carolyn was not up to the challenge of protecting the future of the
human race.
And now it looked
like Kathleen might not be either.
“Have you asked
her?”
“No. It really doesn’t matter. Even if she doesn’t want to have kids, I
still love her. I’m not going to give
up on her because of some stupid genetic predisposition.”
“Oh man.”
“That pretty much
sums it up.”
“What are you going
to do?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing as in, ‘I’m
not going to ask her about having children’ nothing. Or nothing as in, ‘I’m not going to pursue this relationship’
nothing.” Talk about being stuck
between a rock and a hard place. I move
my hand to rest on his, offering silent support of his decision.
“Nothing as in, ‘I’m
not going to ask her about having children.’
I don’t think that I could let her go at this point. And I’m too afraid of her answer to ask.”
I watch as he shrugs
off his melancholy.
“Now, what about
you?”
“I’ll be okay.”
“You know, if us
being here bothers you that much, Kathleen and I can start spending more time
at her house.”
I know my friend’s
words are sincere, but they only serve to make me feel guilty. “No way, man. This is your home. You
have the right to spend time with whomever you wish. Maybe I should start looking for a place of my own.”
“Absolutely not.”
I’m shocked at the
vehemence in his voice. Not that I
really want to move out, but I didn’t expect him to take my offer quite so
personally. I always knew that one day
things would change and I would move out.
If the tone of his voice is any indication, apparently he hadn’t come to
the same realization.
“Uh, Jim. Don’t you think that things are going to get
a bit crowded around here with the addition of your newfound family?” I mimic his earlier words back to him in
hopes he’ll realize our living arrangement can’t last forever without my having
to say it out loud. “You, me, a jaguar,
a wolf, Kathleen – come on man, there isn’t room for all of us. Especially considering how much space that
Spirit Guide of yours takes up. Did you
know he kicked me off the couch the other night?” I try to inject a note of levity into the conversation.
“He just wanted to
be petted.”
I sigh inwardly in
relief as Ellison takes my cue and moves the conversation into lighter
territory. While I knew this was a conversation we needed to have, I wasn’t
ready to finish it tonight. We’d already bared our souls to one another once
this evening. We’d already had too many
revelations, shared too many experiences.
Petted! That animal didn’t want to be petted, he
wanted to devour me. Well, maybe not
devour me – I am, after all, important to Jim and he knows it – but he
definitely wanted my spot in front of the television. Who knew the big cat liked to watch Nick at Nite? I always pegged him for more of a ESPN or
Discovery Channel kinda cat.
“Have you ever tried
to cuddle with a 300 pound wild animal?”
I ask incredulously, my hands waving wildly. My abrupt motion dislodges his hand still gently resting atop my
arm in a gesture of comfort. He
acknowledges my motion with a slight smile and nod of his head. A tact agreement to postpone this new facet
of our conversation, as well as recognition of comfort given and received. All exchanged in the space of a heartbeat.
“Actually,
yeah. The last time that wolf of yours
decided to watch a hockey game with me, he made sure he sat right in front of
the TV, too.”
“That’s because you
won’t let him sit on the couch.” In
defense of my spirit guide I allow an indignant tone to enter my voice.
“He minds much
better than you do, too. And far better
than that monkey of your’s ever did.”
“A Barbary ape,
Jim. He was a Barbary ape.”
“Whatever he was, he
was messy. He broke twelve house rules
before he even made it through the door the first time.” He smiles.
“At least the wolf seems to understand the way things work around
here.” The smile becomes a grin, almost
as if he knows my response before I utter the words. I of course play right into his hands.
“And how exactly do things
work around here....”
“You’d know if you’d
ever sit down and actually read the house rules.”
“I’ve read the house
rules.” Oh right, who am I kidding
here. I never made it past the second
page. Latin is more useful than some of
Jim’s rules. I don’t know how he comes
up with them. I mean really. Take
number 15. Spices must be kept in
alphabetical order in the cabinet. Who
alphabetizes their spice rack. Never
mind. Don’t answer that. I was never very good at following the rules
anyway. As Naomi would say, ‘they’re
too confining.’ And Jim’s rules, well
let’s just say the Washington State correctional system has nothing on Jim
Ellison when it comes to rules and restrictions.
“Yeah, right. If you’ve read them then how come wet towels
never make it into the hamper in the bathroom and there’s something growing in
the back corner of the bookcase?”
“If you knew there
was something growing in the bookcase why didn’t you throw it away before it
started to breed?” Ugh. Remind me never to pull things off the shelf
without looking. He’s the
Sentinel. He should be able to sense
these things before they get bad. Maybe
I should run some tests...
“I did. I just wanted to see what your response
would be.”
“Ellison!”
He brings a finger
to his lips in the classic librarian’s shush pose, reminding me of the sleeping
woman on the couch. Oops. I’d forgotten all about her being there. Guess that gives me some idea of how
comfortable I am with her presence. And
how comfortable Jim is, though I’m sure he’s been listening to her sleep as we
talk. He’s almost as tuned into her as
he is to me. Any slight change in her
breathing or heart rate and he knows immediately. Guess that means we trust her.
He and I would never have a conversation like this with anyone else
around. Well, Simon maybe. Naomi possibly. But certainly not any of the women either of us have dated
recently. Yeah, I think she’s good for
both of us.
“You know you’re
going to have to talk to her. She might
surprise you.” Reminded of Kathleen’s
presence I bring the conversation back to the original topic, or at least one
of them, as I begin the shutdown procedures on my laptop. My eyes flit between the small screen in
front of me and my friend’s face, as I wait for him to acknowledge my
words. He does not disappoint me.
“I know.” The bleak look in his eyes belies his
cautiously optimistic words.
In some ways the
look in his eyes says more than any of the words we’ve shared this evening. Ghosts
of past hurt and rejection shadow his features. A note of despair, detectable only to someone as tuned into his
soul as I, enters his voice.
“Give her a chance
man. What’s the worst thing she could
say? No. Then at least you’d know where you stand. If you don’t ask her, you don’t ever give
her the chance to say yes. The answer’s
already no.”
“Thanks Chief.” He squeezes my shoulder gently before
allowing his hand to rest on my collarbone.
“Welcome. It’s all part of the service.” The hand on my shoulder reaches up and cuffs
me on the back of the head. The range
and motion of the hand such that I do not have the opportunity to duck. Ruefully, I rub the back of my head.
“Hey!” This time I remember to keep my voice down,
but that doesn’t stop me from imbuing a great amount of exasperation into my
word. My one word exclamations can be
very expressive you know.
I glance back down
at my laptop to see if I can turn it off.
Noticing that the shutdown procedure is finished I close up the computer
and grab my backpack from the floor next to my chair. Stuffing the computer
into the backpack, I remember something.
“I’m spending the
day with AJ. She got a couple boxes
from Uncle Zel for a new exhibit at the museum. I told her I’d help her unpack them.”
“Good. Bring her over for dinner when you are
done.”
“You think Rafe is
going to let me kidnap her for dinner after I’ve spent all day with her? Come on, man. I think love’s addled your brain. Those two don’t spend more than four or five hours apart on the
weekdays. They’re even worse on
weekends.”
“So bring him
too. Kathleen and I will cook. I’ll even call Simon, H., and Megan.”
“Kathleen
cooks?” This was news to me. Guess that explains why my partner’s been
eating dinner at her house so often.
“Much better than
Carolyn ever did.”
“Cool. Want us to stop and pick up a couple bottles
of wine on the way home?”
“Nah. I’m sure we’ll have to go pick up a few
things for dinner anyway. We’ll just
stop then.”
Suddenly, I let out
a yawn. Glancing up at the clock on the
wall I realize how late it has gotten.
“It’s getting
late. Why don’t you head off to
bed. I’m sure AJ’s going to want to get
an early start in the morning. I’ll go
wake up Kathleen and take her home.”
Apparently, Jim
noticed the yawn.
“It’s okay. She can stay.” I say with some authority.
Like it’s my decision to make anyway. Whatever. My bed, however, looks more and more
inviting by the second. I stand,
grabbing my backpack off the table. As
I move towards the front door to set down my backpack I allow my hand to rest
on his shoulder, offering reassurance, comfort, and support with the simple
gesture. Whether for him or me, I’m not sure, however.
“Thanks, man.”
“You’re welcome.”
His eyes come up to
meet mine briefly. The ghosts gone from
their depths. Vanquished, at least for
the moment. I suspect, however, they
will be back. But at least now he knows
he doesn’t have to deal with them alone.
And maybe by then he’ll have another person in his corner and we can
defeat a few of them. I have great
faith that Kathleen’s going to make the right decision. Besides, I’ve always
wanted to be an uncle.
“All part of the
service. Not to mention the Blessed
Protector agreement.”
Dropping my backpack
under the coat rack, I head towards the bathroom.
“Night, Blair.” I hear just before shutting the door.
“Night, man.” I whisper back, knowing he will hear even
with the door closed. As I stand in front
of the mirror to brush my teeth I notice some of the ghosts are gone from my
eyes as well. At least for the moment,
things are right with the world.
Finis